When I was still young，because of my dissipated father, my mother had to work so hard that she became ill of her heart. As the attack became more frequent，my mother called me and said “I cannot even die. We do not have money even for the funeral”. I was the eldest of her children even though I was still very young in my class of elementary school. She showed me where the bank passbook was, just in case.
“Those who have no money cannot even die ?” “Why did God make the rich and the poor in this world ?” “ Why ？What for ? “ At that time all my classmates looked happy and I envied them. Luckily, thanks to my uncle, we have started some business and I could go to school. I could also encounter Christ in a mission school.
Later，when I was working and getting used to it , I began to wonder why I was born, and what was the purpose of my life ? “The meaning of suffering “ had always been a question ever since I was young. I began to visit the church which was in front of the bus stop, and got baptized. By knowing Christ, I could find what I was looking for.
One
day I got a pamphlet at the bookstore in front of the church saying: Retreat for
Vocation. Just because there was a map , I decided to go there with a friend for
a drive. Thinking that we probably would not get there so easily,
we could go to a hot spring and eat something good. But we got there without even
losing our way. While we were
saying “what shall we do ?” several Sisters came out to greet us, and there was
no more way to turn back.
As a result , after only one retreat, I made up my mind to enter into the convent.
It
took me almost two years before entering, and there were many difficulties including
my mother’s opposition.
It was meaningful in knowing if I really had a vocation.
In sufferings it is not easy to realize，but God has always given me all I need
，whenever I needed, and just enough.
The memory of my childhood is a hard experience for me, but without it I probably would not be here. God loves me the way I am, and He keeps me in His arms with all my weakness and even sins.