I had been working in the elementary ｇrades of my school, and everything went just fine. Children were as sweet as ever, and I got along well with the mothers too. I could simply enjoy my daily work but suddenly I wondered if I would go on with this work all my life. Education is a worthwhile job, and one can see the result of it; however, I somehow felt impatient of not being able to reach each child with his or her surrounding family atmosphere and the society itself.
One day during Lent, I was doing my "Station of the Cross" by myself in an empty chapel covered with Tatami. I could take all my time in front of each station and think about it.
At
the fourth station, where Jesus and Mary met, I wondered how they felt. At that
time, I felt how privileged I was. Everything was given to me: my parents, brothers
and sisters, friends, health and life itself. Everything that I took for granted
has been given to me freely. Even the school, before I thought that it was natural
to finish and come out of school once you are in school, but I realized that it
was a gift that I could graduate without dropping out of school. I had a feeling
that I was covered with warm light from the one who gave me everything. "Now I
would like to give and offer everything !" "Fifty years of life", older people
used to say. Then I was only receiving during the half of all these years.
I simply thought that I would like to live in giving back in thanksgiving to those
who gave me.
To offer my life in a married life and bring up children does have a meaning, but I had a feeling that there would still be something left for myself… I had asked to visit few of the convents from a pamphlet, and they answered very kindly. One of them, I could not see what kind of a congregation just from a letter, and my heart had moved. "Come and see" was what I had been told.